My busy girl

We've been home with Melinda almost 5 weeks and in that time she has blossomed. She is a BUSY little girl, determined to keep up with her 3 year old brother, into EVERYTHING she can stretch her little self to reach. She studies everything we do - how to make coffee, how coffee brews, how to load the dishwasher, how to remove everything from the dishwasher, how to remove toilet paper from the roll. Then practices what she has studied. She smiles and giggles and laughs regularly. She is so proud of her every accomplishment.

In the early days of agreeing that sleep had its benefits, she demanded that I stay with her while she fell asleep. It took me a few days, but eventually I realized I could sit and read while I waited for the eyes to close. This revelation coincided with the arrival of a fabulous book, Montessori from the Start: The Child at Home, from Birth to Age Three.

Alex is thriving at his Montessori school and this book set me to implementing Montessori practices at home. We've remodeled their room - removing the bed and crib and installing a child bed for them to sleep on. There are a couple of low shelves, with a few playthings on them, which are safe to explore when they are alone in their bedroom. In addition to the room remodel, I have been allowing Melinda to do many things for herself - things I would have thought she was too young for the past. She is learning to drink from a small cup, holding her own spoon at meals, sitting on a small chair at the small table where Alex eats during snack time. I'm carrying her a lot less than I might have. I put away all the toys that were not being played with, to reduce the clutter and make for a more peaceful and inviting space. Melinda spends most of her time these days working on open/closed and in/out - opening things and putting things into the open container, closing the container, opening the container and taking things out of it. So the Tupperware drawer contains everything she needs. The basic idea for the Montessori baby is to encourage self-confidence by encouraging self-sufficiency, rather than encouraging dependency by sending the message that Mom needs to do everything for you. It in no way detracts from the attachment and bonding work that we're also doing in these early weeks at home. In fact, I think the joy she gets in mastering new tasks has helped her relax and that has helped her bond well with us. It's an interesting shift in mindset, from the mom who takes care of everything to the mom who supports their growing abilities to do for themselves. But it is one that I can see is already, in a couple of short weeks, giving her a firm foundation for the years to come.

The Fog is Lifting

We've been home for 12 days now and, hallelujah, things are starting to settle into the new normal. Last week was grueling. For our first five days home we had two toddlers on Taiwan time - sleeping away the day and up all the night. We finally got Alex back on California time by getting him up for school at 7:30 one morning, despite the fact that he'd only gone to bed at 4am. He suffered through a tired day at school, but from then forward was back to his regular 9pm bedtime. Our new daughter was terrified of her new life, and clung to me in desperation, hysterical if I so much as attempted to set her down. She'd get tired, fall asleep, awaken as I laid her in her crib and scream if I did not pick her up. She'd get over tired, fighting sleep, fearful of what might happen while she was sleeping. We saw alot of movies in those first days home - late late late into the night. Then we'd sleep from dawn until mid-afternoon. It was exhausting. Gradually the 5am bedtime shifted to 4am, then 3am, then 2am. On Monday (10 days home) a miracle occurred. Melinda woke up at 7am, and took a short morning nap mid-morning. Then a longer afternoon nap. Then fell asleep at 8:30pm....and slept until 5am! All three times, she went off to sleep calmly and without a fuss. On Tuesday she repeated this new-found ability to go off to sleep without a battle for two naps and bedtime at 8:45. Today we've repeated our new, wonderful, happy, mommy-pleasing schedule. Now that she's getting the sleep she needs, she's a happier baby. And with a full night's sleep, my sanity has returned!

She has been delightful to be with now that she is relaxing and able to be herself. Last night I saw the first inkling of what she will bring to Alex's life. She discovered the DVD player (yes on a low shelf at a perfect height for baby button pressing). So I brought a large piece of cardboard in from the garage, thinking to fashion a 'cover' that would render the DVD player less appealing. As soon as I laid it on the floor, she was all over it. She thought I'd found a new plaything. Alex is a very cautious child. He will reach toward something that he would like to have, but will wait for permisison before touching anything. He's always been like that, probably because of his low-vision, he's never really sure what something is, even if it seems like it might be interesting. Without encouragement he would never show any interest in a piece of cardboard. But as soon as his little sister started walking, jumping, sitting and rolling on it, he came along for the ride and was all over it with her, without waiting for anyone's permission. It warmed my heart to see him spontaneously join in the play with her. May she bring many such moments of spontaneous joy to his life as they grow up together.

And on a sad note, our camera stopped functioning two days after we arrived back in California. The lense, which is stuck half-way between in and out, refuses to budge, so turning the camera on/off gives us only a E18 error. Here is one of the three pictures we took at home before the camera's demise. A new camera is on my 'to do' list.

One of Melinda's first days at home